


Already Been Forgiven

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 07:47:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2573792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	Already Been Forgiven

Already Been Forgiven

Prompt from an Anon from a while ago. It’s basically that Dan has nightmares from his deployment and Gavin does things to try and cheer him up.

I decided to mix this with a prompt Austriatheartist got for a Danvin with PTSD that she decided not to do because she didn’t want to write a war-induced PTSD fic.

Prepare for the feels...

Warning-PTSD based shit.

**_ RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH-RH- _ **

Dan was different when he got home.

He’d been honourably discharged from the army after his last deployment was over and he’d moved in with Gavin into an apartment in the states, getting a job with Roosterteeth as one of their RT short actors, sometimes joining the Achievement Hunters for some let’s plays. He seemed fine, a little twitchy but nothing horribly different.

But it was different at home. Dan wasn’t beating Gavin or yelling, no he was the same sweet guy he was before. He just got...quieter. And more reserved. He’d jump when Gavin dropped a pan in the kitchen, remaining frozen for a second or two before he sat stiffly on the couch. And he spent a lot of time in the bathroom. Gavin was curious as to what he was doing in there, and if he were to look, he’d see Dan just standing there, staring at himself in the mirror, eyeing the scars littering his chest with a look of disdain on his face.

Gavin hadn’t seen them yet. He’d been home for around a week and he just never took his shirt off when Gavin was in the room. Gavin noticed, of course, but he didn’t ask, just placed a comforting hand on Dan’s arm and gave him a light kiss on the cheek before he left to give Dan some privacy.

The thing that changed the most was how Dan slept.

He just...didn’t.

Gavin would get up to go to bed and Dan would just say ‘I’ll be there in a bit’, leaving Gavin to fall asleep on his own. He’d wake up the next morning, the bed beside him warm, a distinct lack of an actual Dan right there but something he noticed was that on Dan’s bedside table, he’d have a book. A different one every other night and Gavin hadn’t seen him reading them during the day.

“Dan,” Gavin piped up one night while they were cuddled together on the couch.

“Yeah, B?” Dan asked, running the back of his knuckles over Gavin’s arm, tearing his gaze away from the movie playing from the xbox.

“Are you sleeping alright?” Gavin asked quietly and Dan tensed.

“Why do you ask?” Dan replied and Gavin knew he was right. Dan never lied to him. He couldn’t because Gavin always knew, so if he wanted to avoid the question, he’d just ask another one or distract Gavin.

“You know why, Dan,” Gavin said, turning around, crawling into Dan’s lap, his hands loosely draped over his lover’s shoulders as he fiddled with his hair. Dan leant into the contact, hands resting on Gavin’s hips with his thumbs stroking the slightly exposed skin of Gavin’s sides. “I just wanna help, darling,” Gavin said softly, dragging his fingers gently over Dan’s scalp.

“I’m...I’ve been...I can’t sleep. No, that’s not it,” Dan said, fumbling with his words and Gavin could see he was getting stressed, so he hushed him, holding him close.

“It’s alright. Just take your time,” Gavin said, running a hand through Dan’s hair soothingly.

“I didn’t tell you this when I got back b-but...something happened while I was on patrol back there. An IED detonated next to our vehicle, I-I was thrown clear but the others...my friends, Gray and Thompson...They were...” Dan’s throat closed up on him and he let out a choked whimper before he cleared his throat, managing to continue his story.

“One of them died when it blew the jeep. The other...he g-got hit by some shrapnel and he uh...he didn’t make it. He just kept talking, a-asking what had happened. But he didn’t just bleed out. An group of men came up. They threatened us, beat me, hurt Gray. But we wouldn’t say anything they wanted us to so they shot Gr-“ Dan cut himself off, a choked sob breaking through. Gavin wrapped his arms around him tightly, stroking Dan’s hair and hushing him.

“It’s okay, love. Dan it’s okay, it’s over. You’re here, with me,” Gavin whispered, kissing his lover, as a reassurance for himself and for Dan. Dan took deep breaths, calming himself down enough to keep talking.

“They just...ran when the rest of my unit came by. They heard the explosion but...I’d been beaten, nearly unconscious and the others were dead. It’s why I got sent home early. I-I was injured and...they had to make sure I was staying with someone because I was a suici-...a _risk_ because of what I saw. Because of what happened,” Dan continued, his voice raspy and thick with tears. “And I have nightmares when I _can_ fall asleep. Awful ones. I just didn’t want you to see me like that. So terrified when I’m here, where nothing’s wrong,” he finished, almost ashamed of how he felt.

“Dan,” Gavin cupped his lover’s face with his hands, tilting it up so he could look into his brown eyes. “I love you. I want to help you. I want to be here for you and let you _know_ that you’re safe here even if you don’t think you are when you’re sleeping...Come on,” Gavin said, getting out of Dan’s lap and taking the older man’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers and tugging lightly.

“Where?” Dan asked, letting himself be led off of the couch and down the hall to their bedroom.

“You’re coming with me to get a good night’s sleep,” Gavin said with a small smile, pulling back the covers and getting into bed with his lover, gently moving Dan so he was lying half on top of Gavin with his ear resting right over his heart and Gavin’s arms wrapped around Dan’s waist. “I’ll be here the whole time, just sleep, alright?” Gavin whispered, pressing his lips to Dan’s hair, stroking his back.

“Thank you, B. I love you,” Dan murmured sleepily into Gavin’s chest, dozing off almost immediately. Gavin closed his eyes, falling asleep soon after. They’d managed to stay asleep for a couple of hours before Gavin was woken by movement and sounds.

The sandy haired Brit opened his eyes blearily, the grip around his waist from his boyfriend tightening almost to the point of pain, Dan mumbling incoherently and whimpering in his sleep. Gavin ran a gentle hand through Dan’s hair, his lover flinching away from the contact, letting go of Gavin and shifting away.

“Dan? Dan, baby, wake up. It’s just a dream,” Gavin cooed, placing a hand on Dan’s shoulder and gently nudging him. Normally Dan would wake up immediately, rolling over to give Gavin a sleepy grin, maybe pull him in for a kiss before holding him close to tempt him into sleeping just a little longer because ‘I just wanna be with you a little longer before we have to get up’.

He didn’t wake up like that.

In an instant, Gavin was on his back, pressed into the pillows and the mattress with Dan on top of him, legs either side of his hips and a pair of strong hands, hands that were normally stroking his skin so gently, comforting him...those hands were wrapped around his throat, painfully tight so Gavin was without air, the breath he’d taken before, escaping as a gasp when Dan had pinned him. There was a few seconds that felt like absolutely forever when Gavin was looking up at his lover, his dark eyes panicked, his jaw clenched. Gavin was frozen, tears welling up in his eyes both from lack of oxygen and from fear.

He thought Dan was just going to tighten his grip.

But at the end of that forever-moment, the lights in Dan’s eyes seemed to click on. His jaw relaxed, a look of surprise and concern taking over his face before he realised the hands around his lover’s throat were his own and he let go instantly, jumping away from Gavin while the smaller man sat up in bed, hunched over as he coughed and retched in between desperate gasps for air and when he seemed to be able to breathe, he looked up at Dan, tears running down his cheeks while Dan stood there, staring right back at Gavin.

“D-Da-“ Gavin tried but his voice was raspy and he swallowed, holding a hand to his own throat, rubbing it as if it would soothe it. But Dan couldn’t help picture his own hands there, choking him. _Hurting him_.

Dan ran to the bathroom and vomited.

Eventually, there was a gentle hand on his back, warm fingers running over his spine, making him flinch. Gavin knelt down next to Dan, one hand continuing its trek up and down Dan’s back while the other ran through his dark hair soothingly.

Dan stayed on the couch that night, despite Gavin’s repeated requests for him to come back to their room.

After a fortnight, he started going back into their room, lying with Gavin as he slept, occasionally dozing off. After a month, he had his first night of completely uninterrupted sleep.

After two months, he could sleep 3 or 4 nights a week without waking.

At six months, he slept a whole week without waking and two of those nights were without nightmares.

At one year, he could sleep comfortably next to his lover without fearing for his safety.

At two years, one of those being married to Gavin, he finally forgave himself for what happened when he’d been on that patrol.

At four years, he told Gavin one night, as they talked across their pillows in bed with their little baby boy between them, fresh from the adoption centre, that while he’d managed to convince himself that it wasn’t his fault, what happened to his friends, he still hadn’t forgiven himself for what he’d done to Gavin.

He told him he’d never stop trying to make it up to him. Gavin just kissed him and told him he was stupid.

Because he’d already been forgiven. Four years ago.


End file.
